Enjoy!
Hannibal sneezes on it
Shortly after, they arrived at a gigantic medieval castle. Between them and the castle, an at least ten meters wide, water-filled moat streched in both directions. The fortress itself consisted of countles towers and turrets full of colourful flags, walls and oriel windows. A Drawbridge guarded the gate.
„I had one of those to play with as a kid“, said the apothecary. „Of course, mine wasn't as big, but it had red paper in the windows. So, how do you guess we get over there?“
„We have to ring“, said Konrad.
The horse laughed aloof and claimed that castles with bells would not exist.
This indeed was the case. But after a short search they found a small sign next to the moat.
The sign read:
The Castle of the glorious past
Admittance after three trumpetblows
signed the Castle-intendant
„And from where are we supposed to get three trumpetblows all of a sudden?“, the uncle asked angrily. „Why do they have to make crossing the border always so difficult?“
„I could blow on my comb“, suggested Konrad and produced a comb from his pockets.
„Don't you dare!“, the uncle cried, cupped his hands in front of his mouth, took a few deep breaths and called out: „Tadaaa, tadaaa, tadaaa!“
For an apothecary without a trumpet, he trumpeted quite well.
Now the drawbridge opened and the horse rolled on with his two riders. In the courtyard stood an old knight in golden armor, leaning on his rusty sword. Through his long white beard he murmured: „From whence doest thou come, oh travellers?“
Ringelhuth saluted with his cane and told him they came from Cockaigne.
„And whither doest thine journey take thee?“, the knight inquired.
„To the south sea“, Konrad answered.
„Thou are allowed to pass“, the gilded grandfather said, „but befor thee go, give us thine names!“
Uncle Ringelhuth introduced himself and his fellow travellers.
„I on the other hand“, the knight explained, „am the great Charlemagne, known from history books across the world.“
„I'm honoured“, Ringelhuth said, „but now, dear Charlemagne, would you please tell us, which way to go? And please, speak a bit less pompously!“
Charlemagne stroked his beard and said: „Just go straight on. But thou art lucky, for the Olympic games are held at this moment.“
„We are very much looking forward to that“, the horse answered, lifted his straw hat and rolled on.
The somewhat annoyed Charlemagne climbed noisily back into his guardhouse.
Konrad asked his uncle to have the horse stop at the gamefields. The trumpets blazed as they neared the stadium. On the stands sat old knights and young damsels with binoculars, chevaliers with wigs and noble ladies with crinolines.
„OK, OK“, said Ringelhuth. „Halt, my dear horse!“
Negro Kaballo stood still. Uncle and nephew climbed off his back. Then they bought three tickets from emperor Barbarossa, who was selling them at a stone table. They bought tickets for the first row on the shady side of the court. Aside from the tickets, Barbarossa also gave them a programm.
Konrad silently nudged his uncle to draw his attention to Barbarossa's beard, which had grown THROUGH the stone table.
„This is an extraordinarily bearded area, isn't it?“, said Ringelhuth. „Look, they're shot-putting!“ He read from the programme: „Preliminaries in shot-putting, participants: Karl XII of Sweden, Götz von Berlichingen, Tzar Peter the Great, August the Strong of Saxony.“
Götz von Berlichingen was first. He used his left hand, because of his iron right. Then it was August the Strong's turn and reached 18,17 meters. Konrad said this was a new world record. Karl XII withdrew since he wanted to save his strength for the javelin-throwing.
At this point, uncle Ringelhut received a blow to the back, almost toppling over Tzar Peter. He turned angrily. In front of him stood a young man with a camera. „Sorry“, he mumbled, „I'm the cameraman from Universal, I have to get a few shots for the newsreel. Does it hurt?“
August the Strong took him to the sideline and whispered something into his ear. Then he took the ball and threw it in a high curve into the sand, while the young man filmed him. He smiled in what he thought to be a kingly fashion, took a heroic pose and asked whether he should say a few fitting words. „As you like“, the man replied, „but I film without sound.“
Ringelhuth and Konrad went away laughing, the horse followed them grinningly.
They entered the stands but at first could not find their seats. Eventually they found two of them already occupied.
„Would you please show us your tickets?“ said the uncle.
The two men turned. They were Julius Cesar and Napoleon I. Napoleon grumpily eyed the apothecary and put his yellow face in majestic wrinkles. After this did not work, he gave in and Cesar, too moved to the side.
„If I had my old guard with me, i would not move“, Napoleon remarked haughtily.
Uncle Ringelhuth sat down next to him and said: „If you say anything stupid like that again, i shall take your tricorne and feed it to my favourite horse. Understood?“
„You should get a new hat anyway, mister Napoleon“, Negro Caballo added.
Julius Cesar wrapped his toga tighter around his shoulders and said to the french emperor: „I don't mean to incite you, but I would not allow something like this.“
„Without an army, you cannot really do anything, dear colleague“, Napoleon replied gloomily. „Look, Theodor Körner plays a weak backhand.“ In front of the stands the tennis-matches had begun.
Friedrich Ludwig Jahn sat on a high stool and refereed the men's doubles. Ajax I and II played against Theodor Körner and count Hardenberg. The ball flew to-and-fro. The two greeks played superbly together, being brothers. The german team however left much to be desired.
„What a silly past-time, beating such a light ball around“, said Cesar. „If they would at least use a cannon-ball!“
Suddenly, he cried out in pain. Theodor Körner, who as we know played a bad backhand, had hit the ball out and, of course without any intention, right into Cesar's face. Now the roman dictator held his roman nose and was close to tears.
„If they would at least had used a cannon ball!“, Ringelhut remarked viciously and Konrad fell of his seat in a fit of laughter.
„You really are great heroes“, the uncle said, eying Cesar and Napoleon from head to toe and left the stands. Konrad and the roller skate horse followed suit.
Before they left the stadium, they could hear the noise of the crowd around the running track. Alexander the Great and Achilles were just finishing the 100 metres. Alexander won, even though he had a bad start and ran 10.1 seconds.
„That is another new world record!“, exclaimed Konrad. Negro Caballo remarked that he, while of course only being a horse, would only need 5 seconds.
„But you have four legs“, said Konrad.
„What a nonsense!“, Ringelhuth explained, „electricity has no legs and still runs faster than even a horse. By the way, if someone runs to stay healthy, I can understand that. But if he runs like an idiot, just to be a tenth of a second faster than someone else, than that is complete and utter tosh. That does not make one healthy, it makes one sick.“
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