The 35th of may - new series

I just bought the birthday-present for my nephew, a book.

It is "the 35th of May" by Erich Kästner and one of the best german children's books ever written.
Since it has been out of print in the english world for what seems to be decades, I decided that I would translate it and publish the translation here on my blog.
After all, most of my american friends have children or grandchildren and might find this good reading-material for them.
Also I am sure that most grown-ups will also enjoy this book immensely.

So here we go with the first part of the first chapter. If you like it, tell me and I will add more chapters later.



It was the 35th of May

It was the 35th of May. It was no surprise that Uncle Ringelhuth was not surprised by anything. If that which happened today had happened to him on any other day, he surly would have thought that he or the world would be a few cards short of a deck. But on the 35th of May, one has to be prepared for everything.
Also it was a Thursday. Uncle Ringelhuth had just picked up his nephew Konrad from school. Now they were walking down Glacis Street. Konrad looked downtrodden. His uncle did not notice and instead looked forward to lunch.

Before I go on with the story, I should give you a family-historic introduction. Well: Uncle Ringelhuth was the brother of Konrad's father. And since he was still unmarried and lived on his own, he picked up Konrad from school every Thursday. They had lunch together and took coffee. Only in the evening, the boy was returned to his parents. These Thursdays always were very funny. Uncle Ringelhuth had no wife who could cook lunch and he himself had never learned it! He also had no maid. That is why on Thursdays, he and Konrad ate the weirdest food. Sometimes they had cooked ham with whipped cream. Or pretzels with cranberries. Or cherry-cake with english mustard. They preferred english mustard since it is very hot and stings like a bee.
After lunch, when they felt really sick, they looked out of the window and laughed so hard that the neighbors thought: "Apothecary Ringelhuth and his nephew have unfortunately lost their minds."

Anyway, they were walking along Glacis Street and the uncle asked: "What's with the glum face?", when someone pulled on his jacket. When the two turned around, there was a big black horse. With a straw hat. It asked politely: "Have you by any chance a lump of sugar on you?"
Konrad and the uncle shook their heads.
"In that case, please excuse the trouble", said the horse and lifted his hat. As it prepared to leave, uncle Ringelhuth asked: "Can I offer you a cigarette?" "Thanks but no", replied the horse, "I'm a non-smoker." It bowed and trotted towards Albert Place, halted in front of a delicatessen and left its tongue hanging from its mouth.
"We should have invited the horse for lunch", the uncle said, "it looks hungry". Then he looked at Konrad and asked: "What's the matter, Konrad? You're not even listening!"
"I have to write a paper on the south seas."
"About the south seas?", the uncle said, "now that is dire."
"It is terrible", Konrad replied. "Everyone who is good at maths has to do the blasted south seas. Because we lack imagination! Everyone else has to describe a house being built. That is a piece of cake compare to the south seas. That's what you get for being good a mathematics!"
"You may not have an imagination", said Uncle Ringelhuth, "but I'm your uncle and that's just as well. We'll present your teacher with a south sea that he won't know what hit him!"
Then he stepped of the sidewalk with one foot and hobbled on. Even Konrad was just a human, he got amused.
And when the hobbling uncle greeted a man and right afterwards said: "Disgusting, that was my enforcement officer", the boy could not help himself and giggled as if tickled.

When the arrived at the uncle's flat, they went straight to lunch. They had chopped bacon quiche and meat salad with raspberry-juice. "The old Spartans even ate blood-soup without making a fuss", the uncle said. "How does it taste, old sport?"
"Wonderfully terrible", Konrad answered. "One has to harden oneself", the uncle said. "As soldiers we got noodles with herring and as students rice cooked in saccharin. Who knows what they will serve you once you are older. Eat, my boy, until your stomach gets an armor!"
With that he put some more raspberry-juice on Konrad's meat salad.

After lunch, they looked out of the window for fifteen minutes, waiting to feel ill. But that never happened. After that they did gymnastics. The uncle helped his nephew up onto the big bookcase and Konrad did a handstand. "Just a minute", Ringelhuth said, "keep upside down for a bit longer!" He brought his eiderdown from the bedroom and laid it down before the bookcase. Then he orderend: "Jump!", and Konrad jumped off the case onto the eiderdown.
"Great", the uncle yelled. He took a run-up and jumped over the table. After that they heard a crack and a lot of tinkling from downstairs. Awestruck, uncle said:"That was Mühlenbergs' chandelier."
They waited for a few minutes, but no one knocked and no one rang either.
"Mühlenbergs are probably not at home", Konrad said.

And then the bell did ring! The boy ran outside, opened the door and came back pale. „The big black horse is here“, he whispered.
„Let it in!“, uncle Ringelhuth ordered. So the nephew let the animal in. It lifted his straw hat and asked: „I hope I am not bothering you?“
„No way!“, the uncle cried. „Please, take a seat!“
„I prefer to stand“, said the horse. „Please do not think me to be rude, but we horses are not configured for sitting.“
„As you please“, the uncle replied. „May I ask why you honour us with your visit?“
The horse looked at them with its big, serious eyes. It was a bit embarrassed. „You two looked so nice to me from the beginning.“
„Thanks“, Konrad bowed. „Do you still want some sugar?“ He did not wait for the answer but ran straight into the kitchen and brought the sugar, put one lump after the next on his palm and the horse ate without pause about half a pound. Then it sighed and said: „Well, that was just in time! Thanks a lot, dear sirs! May I introduce myself? My name is Negro Caballo! Until late April, I performed my famous roller-skate-act at the circus. Then they fired me and since then I have not earned a single dime.“
„Well, well“ said uncle Ringelhuth, „the same happens to both humans and animals.“
„These bloody cars!“, Negro Caballo continued. „The machines ruin us horses. I even tried to work as a carriage-horse, even though I am a horse with a higher education. But even the secretary-general of the Federal Coach-Horse-Association could not help me. And he is one important nag. By the way, this rhinozeros of a mare drives a car himself!“
„Under these circumstances you shouldn't be surprised by anything anymore“, uncle Ringelhuth explained.
„You are a good man.“ The horse was moved and hit him on the shoulder.
„Ouch!“, cried Ringelhuth.
Konrad wagged his finger at the horse. „If you damage my uncle, you'll have to deal with me!“
The horse showed his teeth and laughed noiselessly. Then he apologised. „I did not mean to harm him.“
„It's OK“, said the uncle and rubbed his shoulder. „Be more careful the next time, my dear Negro Caballo. I am not as strong as a horse.“
„I shal pay more attention“, promised the horse, „I give you my word as the best roller-skate-act amongst all the mammals!“

And then all three looked out of the window. As it looked down onto the street, the horse became dizzy. He closed his eyes and became pale. Konrad said he should be ashamed of himself and so he slowly opened his eyes again.
„Don't fall down“, Ringelhuth said. „I cannot have a horse falling out of my window down onto the Johann-Mayer Street.“
Negro Caballo said: „You see, we horses seldomly have an opportunity to look out from the third floor. But I'm better now. I still would be grateful if you two would stand on either side.“
So the horse stood between the two, put his head far out of the window and ate two fuchsias and a begonia from the neighbors' balcony completely. He did leave the pots. After all, he was a friendly horse.
Suddenly there was a huge commotion in the street. There was a small, round man waving his arms and screaming: „This does it! You take that horse out of the window immediately! You still do not know the rules, do you? It is forbidden to bring horses into the flat!“
„Who is that?“, the horse asked.
„Oh, that's just my landlord, Clemens Waffelbruch“, the uncle answered.
„What an impudence“, the small fat Mister Waffelbruch shouted. „You will reimburse Lehmanns for the flowers this nag has eaten from their balcony! Got that?“
At this the horse started to shiver. Hoho, he would not allow this man to insult him! He took one of the empty pots in his teeth and let it fall from the window. The pot fell – as if it was in an extraordinary hurry – straight down and hit the shouting landlord on the hat. Mister Clemens Waffelbruch kneeled and went quiet. He looked up again, lifted his demolished hat and said: „I'll be going then.“
Then he hobbled back into the house.
„If that man had not left, I would have dropped the whole balcony on his hat one piece at a time“, said the horse.
„That would have been way too expensive for me“, uncle Ringelhuth protested, „let us go back inside!“