chapter 5 part 2

After a short, brisk walk, they stood in front of a gigantic industrial building. Big letters on its wall read: „Livestock-processing-plant Electropolis“
Konrad was the first through the gates.
Seemingly endless herds of animals stood in the courtyard, waiting to be processed. They clustered, stomping and mooing in front of a giant funnel at least 20 meters across. The herd got slowly sucked into it. Oxen, cows, calfs – all vanished in the hundreds, mysteriously sucked into the gleaming opening.
„Why do the humans murder all those poor animals?“ asked the horse.
„Yes, it is a pity“, answered the uncle. „But if you had ever eaten a steak, you would be more tolerant.
Konrad ran along the side of the giant hall. From the machines rose a great din. Ringelhuth and the horse had a hard time catching up with the boy. At last they reached the backside of the plant. Long lines of rail-cars waited there, drawn by big electric engines. From chutes on the back wall of the building the products fell into the cars. Leather suitcases from one, barrels with butter from the next, leather shoes from a third. From other chutes rolled giant cheeses, combs, sausages, cans with milk, violin-strings, cream and so on.
Once the cars were filled, a bell rang. At this signal, the trains rolled forth and new, empty ones took their place under the chutes.
„And no living soul in sight anywhere! Nothing but oxen!“ shouted uncle Ringelhuth over the noise. „Everything electric, automated!“
But just as he had said that, a man came towards them across the yard. He greeted them and said: „It is my shift today. One day every month. Twelve days a year. I control and maintain the machines.“
„Just one question, old chap“, said the horse. „What do you do on the other threehundred-fifty-three days of the year?“
„Oh, this and that“, replied the man happily. „I have a vegetable-patch. I play football and i like to draw. You see, I have problem keeping myself occupied... oh and sometimes, I like to read history-books. It is amazing how complicated people used to live.“
„That's true“, said the uncle. „But from where do you get these huge amounts of electricity you need to run your city?“
„From the Niagara falls“, the man told them. „We unfortunately had unusually strong rainfall the last few weeks. I am quite concerned. The voltage has increased so much that we fear it could blow out some circuits at central distribution. Ah, look, the 4-o'clock-newspaper is just coming in!“
„Where?“, asked Konrad.
The overseer stared into the sky and the others followed his example. And really, in the sky appeared, in white letters on the blue background, the news. „No danger for Electropolis!“ the headline said. A report from the security-council followed. Also there were news about the ongoing diplomatic talks with Mars about a trade-agreement, the latest developments in science and the upcoming radio- and home-cinema-program. The newspaper ended with the serial novel being projected against the sky.
Konrad was just about to start reading the novel, when a sudden, infernal noise erupted from the building. The products fell out of the chutes with increasing speed. It was literally raining shoes, suitcases, butter, milk, cheese and steaks. The cars overflowed. And now bricks, Windowpanes and parts of machines flew out of the chutes!
„Oh now!“, the overseer screamed. „The factory consumes itself!“ And he ran off.
The disaster began when the power-plants at the Niagara falls produced a hundred times as much power as normally due to the flooding. The machines of the livestock-processing-plant ran empty when the last herd was processed. In the end, they ran backwards, sucking all the butter, shoes, cheeses and other products back in. The original animals were spit out of the gates. The oxen, calves and cows stampeded nervously and screaming onto the street and into the city.
The uncle and Konrad had climbed onto the horse. The panicking herds pulled them along. On the streets the moving sidewalks quickened to a sickening speed. The automated cars shot through the lanes like lightning, driving into the houses and raced up the stairs. The electric lamps melted, the artificial gardens bloomed and withered at the same time. On the sky the newspaper for the day after tomorrow appeared.
The horse could no longer cope with all of this. It stood rooted on a driveway, its knees quivering.
„Please excuse me, Mr Caballo!“ cried the uncle and gave the horse a slab on the back with his cane. The animal was so shocked that it forgot his fears and raced through the surrounding pandemonium as if the devil himself was on its tail.
They left the city behind them after endless minutes and were safe.
Looking back, they saw how lifts shot through the roofs of the houses. The roar of the trembling aluminium skyscrapers sounded like war.
Uncle Ringelhuth patted the horse's neck, wiped the sweat from his forehead and said: „Paradise is blowing up.“
Konrad took him by the arm. „Don't be sad. When I'm grown up, we shall build a new one!“
And then they rode on. Always straight ahead. Towards the south sea.

chapter 5 part 1

Danger! High Voltage!


At the exit of the world turned upside down, they found a subway-station. They walked down the stairs, saw a train and got in.
„What a strange subway“, said Konrad. „I can't see a conductor, nor a driver. I wonder where to the trip will go.“
„We shall see“, answered the uncle. At that point, the train started. A second later, it shot through a concrete tunnel like lightning. Ringelhuth fell of his seat and said: „OK, maybe we won't live to see it. Dear nephew, if something happens to me, don't forget – over all your grief – that you will inherit my pharmacy.“
„And if you should happen to outlive me, dear uncle“, replied the boy, „my school books and my compasses will be yours.“
„Thank you so much!“ answered the uncle. And then the two solemnly and moved shook hands.
„Lets not get all soft“, said the horse and looked out of the window. The subway shot through the tunnel like a rocket and the tracks wailed and the train screamed as if it was afraid of itself.
Uncle Ringelhuth climbed back onto the seat and said in desperation: „If something happens to me now, I can forget about the night shift at the pharmacy.“ But at that moment he fell off again, because the train had just stopped as if it had rammed an ice-berg.
„That does it! Out of here!“ cried the uncle, got to his feet jerked the doors open and stumbled onto the platform. The horse and Konrad hurried to follow him.
After they had climbed up the stairs, they had a look around and already wanted to sit down again. They were standing right in the middle of a bunch of skyscrapers!
„...Cor!“ the horse said after a while. Konrad started to count the storeys of the nearest skyscraper. He reached forty-six before he had to stop, for the rest of the house was concealed in the clouds. Onto one of the clouds were projected the words

Electropolis
the automated city

Danger!
High Voltage!

The horse wanted to turn around on the spot, telling the other to let the bloody south sea get lost. But uncle and nephew would not have any of that and instead started to cross the big square in front of them. So Negro Caballo had to follow them, whether or not he wanted. Hundreds of cars swarmed around them.
„No one seems to work here“, observed Ringelhuth, „everyone just drives around in their cars. Can you understand this?“
Konrad, after having a curious look at one of the cars, came back to them, shaking his head in disbelief. „You won't believe this“, he said, „all the cars drive by themselves, without drivers or steering. I'm completely at a loss.“
A car stopped next to them. A nice old lady sat in it, crocheting. „You're not from here, are you?“ she asked friendly.
„This does it“, said the uncle. „Could you please enlighten us to why the cars here drive on their own?“
The lady smiled: „Our cars are remote-controlled“, she explained. „The system works through coupling an electromagnetic field with radio control. Easy, isn't it?“
„Ludicrously easy“, said the uncle.
„Just ludicrous“, mumbled the horse.
And Konrad shouted angrily: „And I wanted to become a chauffeur!“ The old lady put her crochet-work aside. „Why on earth do you want to become a chauffeur?“
„To earn money, of course“, the boy answered.
„Why do you want to earn money?“ asked the lady.
„Are you pulling my leg?“ said Konrad. „If you don't work, you don't earn money. And without money, you'll starve.“
„Those are quite the outdated views you have, my dear“, the old lady replied. „Here in Electropolis, you only work for fun, to lose weight or to learn something. We get everything we need for free, since everything is produced by machines.“
Uncle Ringelhuth thought for a moment: „But before you process them, you have to plant the foodstuffs. And the livestock does not grow like weeds.“
„Our farmers outside the city do that“, answered the nice lady. „But even they have little mandatory work to do, since farming is thoroughly industrialized, too. Machines do most of the work there, too.“
„And the farmers give you their produce for free?“ asked the horse.
„The farmers get everything else they need in exchange“, the lady told them. „Everyone can get everything, because the machines and the land produce more than enough, of course. Didn't you know that?“
Uncle Ringelhuth did not and so was a little bit ashamed. „Of course we know that. Still most people are in dire need where we come from.“
„How preposterous!“ cried the old lady. But then she was smiling again and said: „OK, I'll be off to our artificial gardens. The trees and flowers there smell of ozone. That's very healthy. Have a nice day!“
She pressed a button and said into a speaking-tube: „To the artificial park! I want to have coffee in the café near the carbonated fountain!“ The mysterious car obediently got under way and drove off. The nice old lady sat back comfortably, resuming her crocheting.
The three were baffled and stared after her. And the uncle said: „Now this is something. One day, the whole world will be like this! I hope you'll still be there when it happens, my boy.“
„Just like Cockaigne“, the horse said.
„There is one important difference“, Ringelhuth objected.
„Which one?“, asked the horse.
„People here actually work. They are not lazy. They just work for fun, true, but lets not hold that against them! OK, lets get a move on.“
The turned into a street packed with traffic to look at the displays in the shops' windows. But as soon as they set foot onto the sidewalk, all three fell on their noses. Or, in the horse's case, its snout. Though they had no intention to do so, they slid along the sidewalk. „Help!“ Konrad cried out. „The sidewalk has come to life!“
The sidewalk was, in fact, a conveyor belt, so people did not have to walk. People just stepped onto it and without setting one foot in front of the other, one could go through the whole city. If someone wanted to enter a shop or cross the street, one stepped off it and once again stood on firm cobbles.
That crocheting grandma could have told us“, the horse complained. It rode down the main street of Electropolis on his behind and could not get up thanks to the roller skates. Ringelhuth and Konrad had to help it stand up. After that, it even had fun with the living sidewalk.
The uncle wanted to have a look at the display of a bakery and stepped off the belt. He did not, however, have enough practice, yet and banged his head on the wall of one of the houses. They heard a strange humming sound. „Where did that come from?“ asked Konrad and knocked against the house. The humming got louder. He scratched the wall and was surprised. „What do you say to this? The skyscrapers are made of aluminium!“
„Now this is a practical city!“ said the uncle. „we should send our mayor here, he could learn a thing or two.“
But the most astonishing thing was this: a gentleman, who was sliding along the sidewalk in front of them, suddenly stepped off it, took a phone-speaker from the pocket of his coat, said a number into it and said: „Gertrud, listen, I'll be home about an hour later today for dinner. I want to go to the lab before. Goodbye, honey!“ Then he put the phone back into the coat and stepped back onto the belt. Once again reading his book, he resumed his trip.
Konrad and the horse were at a loss for words. Some people passing them in the opposite direction remarked: „Those with the horse, they must be some hicks from who knows where.“
Ringelhuth shrugged and tried to look as indigenous as possible. But, doing so, he fell over again. When Konrad tried to help him up again, he declined: „Oh, don't bother, I'll have a seat for the rest of the journey.“
They went from one street to the next. The skyscrapers of aluminium started to sing because of a breeze.
After a quarter of an hour, the conveyer belt came to an end. There were no skyscrapers anymore.
Once again, they had to walk on their own.

chapter four - part two

So Konrad and the horse quickly ran up the stairs and then along a long hallway, looking for room 28. Suddenly they heard a child's voice: „Konrad, Konrad!“ The boy turned and saw a redhaired girl coming closer. She had pigtails sticking out from her head as if woven around florist's wire.
„Babette!“ Konrad said.
And then the two ran and shook each other's hands.
„What are you doing in the world turned upside down?“ Babette asked.
„Oh, we were just on our way through, to the south sea. I have to write a paper about it. Now we are looking for my uncle. He got kidnapped at the entrance and is currently supposed to sit in the beginners' course. Do you have any idea what he is doing there?“
„Oh dear!“ said the girl. „This sounds like a giant misunderstanding. Isn't your uncle a nice guy?“
„He is“, replied the boy.
„The guys at the entrance probably thought that you brought him for education!“ Babette seemed to be really angry. „Lets get him out of there, that should be easy, after all, I am secretary for education.“ She took Konrad by the hand.
„Wait a second!“ said the horse. „What is the meaning of your world turned upside-down? I'm not stupid, you know, but there are quite a few things I don't get here.“
Babette stopped. „It's like this“, she said. „As you know, not all parents are nice, just as not all children. Some of them are actually rather dreadfull.“
„Yes“, said Konrad. „If these bad parents refuse to change and if they unjustly punish or even beat their children – this happens a lot - they are commited to us. This helps most of the time.“
The horse scratched its head with a hoof and wanted to know hwo exactly those parents were educated.
Babette took a deep breath. „Mostly, we do the same unto them. It is not pretty, but necessary. As an example, we have here a certain Mr. Clemens Waffelbruch.“
„That's uncle Ringelhuth's landlord!“ exclaimed Konrad. „But he was at home just now! The horse threw a flowerpot onto his head not an hour ago!“ The horse showed his teeth and laughed quietly.
„All of us are here and at home at the same time.“ explained Babette. „This Waffelbruch has a son, Arthur by name. Arthur gets locked out on the balcony by his father for hours almost every evening. Especially if it is raining. And do you know why? Only because he is bad at math. He tries so hard! Arthur stands on the balcony, is frightened and cries and is cold. He got paler and sicker by the day. And because of all this fear, he nowadays cannot do any math at all.“
„I did not like this guy from the beginning“, grumbled the horse. „I should have thrown a few more pots onto his hat.“
„And now we put him on the balcony. The wind has to howl and it has to rain“, explained Babette. „We do this as long as it takes to show him how he tortures his son. Be quiet for a bit!“
They fell silent.
„Don't you hear anything?“ whispered Babette.
„Someone is swearing and crying. But it is far away“, said Konrad.
„That's old Waffelbruch“, whispered Babette. „I guess he will be ready in three days or so. Then he will of his own will swear not to torment little Arthur ever again. If he does, we will release him as cured.“
„I see“, said the horse. „And why are you here?“
Babette was a bit embarrassed. Finally she said: „It's because of my mum. She has not really cared for me for a while now. In the morning, i did not get any breakfast anymore, because she was still sleeping. Over noon, she is not home, so I do not get lunch, either. And in the evening, when I go to bed, she is not home, yet. The school-doctor send her a letter, which she threw in the oven.“
„And now?“
„Now she is send to school here and i am forbidden to care for her. Only sometimes, I have to go into her room and pretend I don't notice her. Then I have to leave again and sing in the corridor. Babette had tears in her eyes. „I feel so sorry for her“, she whispered. „She has already lost ten pounds. Sometimes, even though it is forbidden, i leave her a sandwich on the table.“ Babette sobbed and blew her nose.
„Don't cry“, said Konrad. „When you wee hungry, she did not cry, either.“
Babette blew her nose again. „You are right, of course“, she said, „but I pity her nonetheless. Lets just hope, the treatment is successfull. But normally, we have a great success rate.“ She tried to smile.
„I'm happy to hear that“, said the horse. „Now let us get uncle Ringelhuth out of your sanatorium, before he becomes even nicer than he already is.“
„That would be unbearable“, said Konrad. So they quickly left for room 28. Quite a remarkable sight awaited them there. The school-benches were filled with grown-ups. They all wore childrens' clothing, and some of them looked rather dangerous. Especially the fat ones. In the front, behind the lectern, sat a pale, serious boy. He was the teacher and when the three entered the room, he ordered: „Rise!“
The grown-ups rose. Only a particularly fat man got stuck in the bench. The boy who was the teacher shook hands with Babette and said: „Godd afternoon, Miss secretary.“
„Hello Jacob, did they bring in a new one a little while ago?“
„Yes“, said the teacher, „I don't think he is particulary evil, but he seems to be a bit dim. He's laughing all the time. Come over here, please, Ringelhuth!“
So uncle Ringelhuth ambled over from the last bench. The horse went into a laughing-fit, when it saw him. The uncle was wearing shorts, half-stockings and a sailor-jacket. On his head he had sailor's cap with the words „Torpedoboat Lower Silesia“ embroidered on the rim.
„Blimey!“ said Konrad and held on to Babette.
„Don't you like my outfit?“ the uncle asked, acting upset.
Babette explained the misunderstanding to the teacher, who then send a student, a barrister named Bollensänger to fetch Ringelhuth's clothes and cane from the office.
In the meantime, the lessen continued. Babette, Konrad, the uncle and the horse stood by the door and watched the show.
„Butcher Sauertopf!“ Jacob shouted, „rise! You are constantly beating your children around the head, is that right?“
„Yes“, said Sauertopf. „Those are my own, personal children and it is of no concern to anyone when and where I beat them! Understood?“
„One of the boys became sick. And our doctor said that Willi is going to suffer for the rest of his life because of the beatings he got for losing a dime.“
„Why doesn't your doctor come here, so I can give him a few slaps, too!“ screamed the butcher. „I harden the kids.“
„Yeah“, said Jacob, „I guess we have to harden you, too.We don't like to do this, but we will repay all the inhuman beatings you have dealt out until you understand what you did.“ He rang a bell. Four bigger boys came into the classroom, took the butcher and led him towards the door. „Around the head“, explained Jacob and the four nodded.
„He won't see reason this way“, said the uncle.
„Unfortunately only this way“, replied Babette. „I know these types. Luckily they're only few.“
Sauertopf was led away. He looked rather puzzled in his Confirmation-suit, that was way too small for him.

„Mrs Ottilie Überbein!“ Jacob called.
A thin lady got up. She wore a thin dress and constantly fingered her hair.
Jacob said: „You force your daughter Paula to lie for you. The child has to lie to her dad and the grandparents, so that no one finds out what you do with the family's money. That in fact, you do not go for walks with Paula but instead let her wait alone in a pastry shop while you lose the money playing Bridge.“
„This is nothing you should care about. I can do whatever I want.“ Mrs Überbein replied haughtily.
„We don't care if you lie“, said Jacob. „But we care a lot about you forcing your daughter to lie. We can no longer tolerate this. Paula can't sleep at night, has a guilty conscience and cries every time she has to tell a lie to her dad.“
„You exaggerate, little one“, said Mrs Ottilie Überbein.
Jacob was annoyed now. „I do not, in any way, exaggerate! The poor child does not know what to do. Who knows what could happen! Stop fiddling with your stupid hair, while I'm talking to you! We will keep you for another week. If you, by then, still don't know how to treat your daughter, we will take measures.“
„Now I'm curious“, Mrs Überbein snappishly.
„If you force Paula to lie for you again, we will tell your husband the truth.“ said Jacob.
„Everything, but not that!“ cried Mrs Überbein and had to sit down from shock.
„More about this tomorrow“, said Jacob. „Now Mr. director Hobohm!“

But at this point, Mr. Bollensänger returned and brought uncle Ringelhuth's clothes. Also the cane. The uncle changed quickly, twirled his cane and said: „And now, off we go to the south sea!“
„Oh, I had almost forgotten that!“ explained Konrad and shook Babette's hand. „This was very interesting“, he said. „I wish you all the best. I mean, about your mum, you know...“
„Goodbye, Miss secretary“, said the horse. The uncle was already in the corridor.
„Always straight ahead!“ said Babette.
„The same to you“, the confused Konrad replied and then he ran after the others.

chapter four - part one

The world, turned upside down


Behind the castle they had just left lay a toy-forest. After their experiences with Hannibal and Wallenstein, this was a welcome change. A herd of rocking-horses grazed on a sun-lit clearing. Cute little sail-boats swam on a blue stream. The trees were full of balloons. The shrubbery on the banks of the stream consisted of candy canes. Two parrots sat on a branch, leafing through a picture-book. Suddenly they burst out laughing so hard they dropped the book.

Konrad wanted to leap off the horse to pick up the book, but uncle Ringelhuth stopped him, gave him a little slap and said: „Stop it! We have to reach the south sea!“ And so they galloped on. The horse claimed his ball-bearings had run hot, but this was an exaggeration.
On the side of the road, toy-trains rattled along on their tracks. Occasionally a switch changed with a snap. The engines whistled and the train drove into the forest over which the balloons waved. In front of a house made of tin foil sat five scottish terriers in silence and smoke thick chocolate cigars.
„Let me get of!“ Konrad cried. „I have to pet the dogs!“
But Ringelhuth said: „Why don't you take my cane for a minute?“ When the boy did this, the uncle clasped his hands over Konrad's eyes, so he could no longer see the toy forest and shouted: „Run, Caballo!“
They rode on like the Wild Hunt and over the toy-heath.

„OK“, said the uncle, when he finally took his hands off Konrad's eyes. The horse rolled in a steady trot. Konrad looked around. The toy-heath had come to an end. The balloon-treetops gleamed from far behind. Big paper kites flew over them.
„Pity“, murmured Konrad.
Suddenly the horse braked, stood still and said: „Everyone get off, please!“
Ringelhuth and Konrad climbed off and looked around. They stood in front of a big building painted with fairy-tale-motivs. Countless children looked out of the windows and waved.
„Looks like a summer camp“, said the uncle.
„That'S what YOU think“, answered Konrad. „The sign says something completely different.“ And then he read out, what was written over the portal:

The world turned upside down

Admittance only

in the company of children

„Ha!“ shouted Konrad. „Once again you see how lucky you are to have me with you!“ He threw himself into posture and paraded proudly into the house ahead of the other two. They found themselves in an office. A boy sat behind the counter. He shook Konrad's hand and asked him whom he had in tow.
„A horse, who is a superb roller skater“, Konrad explained, „and my uncle. He is an apothecary and called Ringelhuth.“
„Is he very terrible?“ asked the other boy. „No thanks“, asnwered Konrad, „he's OK.“
„Well, we will get him sorted out“, said the boy. „We have dealt with worse people before...“ And then he pressed a button.
„What?“ asked Konrad. He was puzzled. But in that instant, a horde of children came piling in and pushed the uncle through a door marked „only for grown-ups“.
„What is this supposed to be?“ asked Konrad. „We wanted to go to the south sea!“
„Later, later“, said the boy. He asked them for their personal data. Then he send them through another door. „ask for the school!“ he shouted after them. „You'll find your uncle there. He just has to change first.“
„Does this make any sense at all to you?“ Konrad asked the horse. „Why should the uncle have to change clothes?“
„Wait and see“, the horse answered.

The street was packed. Boys in top hats with files under their arms hurried past them. Girls in fashionable suits walked by. As a matter of fact, you could only see children around!
„Excuse me“, Konrad asked a boy who was about to get into a car. „Aren't there any grown-ups here?“
„Of course there are, but they are all at school at the moment“, the boy replied. Then he got into his car, nodded to Konrad and said: „You have to excuse me, I have to get to the stock exchange!“ And he was gone.
„This blows my mind.“ Konrad commented. „You'll do without“, the horse replied. „What are grown-ups doing at school and children at the stock-exchange?“ asked Konrad.
The horse shrugged and rolled on. The boy could hardly follow. Luckily the school was not that far away. „Dedicated to the difficult parents“ said the plaque over the door.
„Well, lets get inside“, said the horse.
They entered. A small girl sat behind a counter and asked whom they were looking for.
„A certain Mr. Ringelhuth“, answered the horse. The girl browsed through her notes. „Ringelhuth? He is in the beginners' course.“ „What on earth is he doing there?“ asked Konrad.
„There he will be educated“, the girl at the counter replied.
„I'll go mad“, shouted Konrad, „I want my uncle back asap!“
„Room 28“, said the girl in a strict voice and closed the counter.

Chapter three - part two

And here comes the rest of chapter three, have fun!

They jogged along the street, past small castle-like mansions, greeting all the different kings, knights and generals who looked out of their windows, smoked pipes or watered the plants in their gardens with their golden watering cans.
From one of the gardens they heard shouting, but at first could not see anyone. So they stepped closer to the fence and looked over it.
Two serious-looking gentlemen in armour were lying in the gras, playing with tin soldiers.
„Oh no my dear Hannibal“, one of them shouted, „you must admit that the rose-bush has finally been conquered by my landsknechts!“
„Dear Mr Wallenstein“, the other one replied, pale with anger, „I don't think so! I will have my cavalry skirt around your left wing and attack you from behind!“
„Try, if you must“, Wallenstein, duke of Friedland jeered. „This attack will amount to nothing and cost you dearly. I will turn my reserves from the reseda-patch left and get you from the flanks!“

The battle for the rose-bush was in full swing. Hannibal led his riders into the back of the imperials who were hard-pressesd. But Wallenstein bombarded the regiments with peas from a cute little cannons and the riders fell in droves.

Hannibal was furious. He took new cavalrymen from a box and strengthened his vanguard.
But Wallenstein fired one pea after another into the african units. Hannibal's losses staggered, even the dreaded elefants dropped into the gras. The battle for the rose-bush was almost over.

„Hey you!“ Konrad shouted over the fence, „Draw your frontline back! Attack again later and break through his centre, he is especially vulnarable there!“
Hannibal and Wallenstein took a short break from their battle and looked over to the new arrivals. The carthaginian commander shook his head and said in a dignified voice: „I shall not retreat, even if it will cost me my last man!“

„But listen“, said Konrad „Your army is too valuable for this!“
Now Wallenstein joined the conversation: „You are a stupid little boy!“ he explained. „It does not matter, how many soldiers fall. It is only important how many you have in reserve!“
„Aren't you two darling!“ Ringelhuth said to the two generals. „You and your kind should only be allowed to wage war with tin soldiers!“
„Get lost!“ cried Hannibal. „If you don't have any ambition, you should keep your mouth shut! What is your job anyway?“
„Pharmacist“, replied the uncle.
„Of course“, said Hannibal, laughing contemptuously. „Of course a medic!“ Then he turned back to Wallenstein. „Dear duke, the battle continues!“
They once again started to fight for the rose-bush. „To the last drop of blood!“ said Hannibal.
„Surrender!“ shouted Wallenstein. He had by now surrounded the enemy troops and shot them to pulp with his pea-cannon.
„Only when my last man lies dead in the gras!“ Hannibal swore. But at that point, he had to sneeze. He looked up and said: „Allright, lets stop. The gras is too wet. When will i have the opportunity for a revanche?“
„As soon as your sniffles are over, dear friend.“ replied Wallenstein. „A cold is not to be trifled with.“
The two generals got up from the lawn, streched their stiff legs, let their troops lie under the rose-bush and walked towards the mansion. „A year before my assasination in Eger,“ Wallenstein told Hannibal, „I had a terrible cold. I'd rather lose three battles than have to sneeze like that again.“ With these words, the two disappeared into the house.
„Take an aspirin!“ shouted the uncle. „And drink a cup of lime-blossom-tea! And you can go to war again in no time!“ But Hannibal could no longer hear him.

„Lets get going“, said the horse, „I've had it with these heroes.“
The uncle and Konrad once again climbed onto their steed and rolled towards the border. „What a pity“, said Ringelhuth. „Can you believe it, my dear Negro Caballo, my nephew also plays with tin soldiers!“
„Why?“ asked the horse. „Do you want to become a general?“
„No“, said the boy.
„Or one of the tin soldiers who will lose their lives under the rose-bush tomorrow?“
„I don't think so“, objected Konrad. „I'll be a chauffeur.“
„So why do you play with tin soldiers?“ asked the horse.
Konrad fell silent. But uncle Ringelhuth said: „Why? Because his father gave them to him.“

At this point, they reached the border. They crossed another drawbridge and left the glorious past behind them.

finally - Chapter three part one!

I finally sat down to translate chapter three of the 35th of may.

Enjoy!

Hannibal sneezes on it

Shortly after, they arrived at a gigantic medieval castle. Between them and the castle, an at least ten meters wide, water-filled moat streched in both directions. The fortress itself consisted of countles towers and turrets full of colourful flags, walls and oriel windows. A Drawbridge guarded the gate.

„I had one of those to play with as a kid“, said the apothecary. „Of course, mine wasn't as big, but it had red paper in the windows. So, how do you guess we get over there?“
„We have to ring“, said Konrad.
The horse laughed aloof and claimed that castles with bells would not exist.
This indeed was the case. But after a short search they found a small sign next to the moat.
The sign read:

The Castle of the glorious past

Admittance after three trumpetblows

signed the Castle-intendant

„And from where are we supposed to get three trumpetblows all of a sudden?“, the uncle asked angrily. „Why do they have to make crossing the border always so difficult?“
„I could blow on my comb“, suggested Konrad and produced a comb from his pockets.
„Don't you dare!“, the uncle cried, cupped his hands in front of his mouth, took a few deep breaths and called out: „Tadaaa, tadaaa, tadaaa!“
For an apothecary without a trumpet, he trumpeted quite well.

Now the drawbridge opened and the horse rolled on with his two riders. In the courtyard stood an old knight in golden armor, leaning on his rusty sword. Through his long white beard he murmured: „From whence doest thou come, oh travellers?“
Ringelhuth saluted with his cane and told him they came from Cockaigne.
„And whither doest thine journey take thee?“, the knight inquired.
„To the south sea“, Konrad answered.
„Thou are allowed to pass“, the gilded grandfather said, „but befor thee go, give us thine names!“
Uncle Ringelhuth introduced himself and his fellow travellers.
„I on the other hand“, the knight explained, „am the great Charlemagne, known from history books across the world.“
„I'm honoured“, Ringelhuth said, „but now, dear Charlemagne, would you please tell us, which way to go? And please, speak a bit less pompously!“
Charlemagne stroked his beard and said: „Just go straight on. But thou art lucky, for the Olympic games are held at this moment.“
„We are very much looking forward to that“, the horse answered, lifted his straw hat and rolled on.
The somewhat annoyed Charlemagne climbed noisily back into his guardhouse.
Konrad asked his uncle to have the horse stop at the gamefields. The trumpets blazed as they neared the stadium. On the stands sat old knights and young damsels with binoculars, chevaliers with wigs and noble ladies with crinolines.
„OK, OK“, said Ringelhuth. „Halt, my dear horse!“
Negro Kaballo stood still. Uncle and nephew climbed off his back. Then they bought three tickets from emperor Barbarossa, who was selling them at a stone table. They bought tickets for the first row on the shady side of the court. Aside from the tickets, Barbarossa also gave them a programm.
Konrad silently nudged his uncle to draw his attention to Barbarossa's beard, which had grown THROUGH the stone table.
„This is an extraordinarily bearded area, isn't it?“, said Ringelhuth. „Look, they're shot-putting!“ He read from the programme: „Preliminaries in shot-putting, participants: Karl XII of Sweden, Götz von Berlichingen, Tzar Peter the Great, August the Strong of Saxony.“

Götz von Berlichingen was first. He used his left hand, because of his iron right. Then it was August the Strong's turn and reached 18,17 meters. Konrad said this was a new world record. Karl XII withdrew since he wanted to save his strength for the javelin-throwing.
At this point, uncle Ringelhut received a blow to the back, almost toppling over Tzar Peter. He turned angrily. In front of him stood a young man with a camera. „Sorry“, he mumbled, „I'm the cameraman from Universal, I have to get a few shots for the newsreel. Does it hurt?“

August the Strong took him to the sideline and whispered something into his ear. Then he took the ball and threw it in a high curve into the sand, while the young man filmed him. He smiled in what he thought to be a kingly fashion, took a heroic pose and asked whether he should say a few fitting words. „As you like“, the man replied, „but I film without sound.“
Ringelhuth and Konrad went away laughing, the horse followed them grinningly.
They entered the stands but at first could not find their seats. Eventually they found two of them already occupied.
„Would you please show us your tickets?“ said the uncle.
The two men turned. They were Julius Cesar and Napoleon I. Napoleon grumpily eyed the apothecary and put his yellow face in majestic wrinkles. After this did not work, he gave in and Cesar, too moved to the side.
„If I had my old guard with me, i would not move“, Napoleon remarked haughtily.

Uncle Ringelhuth sat down next to him and said: „If you say anything stupid like that again, i shall take your tricorne and feed it to my favourite horse. Understood?“
„You should get a new hat anyway, mister Napoleon“, Negro Caballo added.

Julius Cesar wrapped his toga tighter around his shoulders and said to the french emperor: „I don't mean to incite you, but I would not allow something like this.“
„Without an army, you cannot really do anything, dear colleague“, Napoleon replied gloomily. „Look, Theodor Körner plays a weak backhand.“ In front of the stands the tennis-matches had begun.
Friedrich Ludwig Jahn sat on a high stool and refereed the men's doubles. Ajax I and II played against Theodor Körner and count Hardenberg. The ball flew to-and-fro. The two greeks played superbly together, being brothers. The german team however left much to be desired.
„What a silly past-time, beating such a light ball around“, said Cesar. „If they would at least use a cannon-ball!“
Suddenly, he cried out in pain. Theodor Körner, who as we know played a bad backhand, had hit the ball out and, of course without any intention, right into Cesar's face. Now the roman dictator held his roman nose and was close to tears.
„If they would at least had used a cannon ball!“, Ringelhut remarked viciously and Konrad fell of his seat in a fit of laughter.
„You really are great heroes“, the uncle said, eying Cesar and Napoleon from head to toe and left the stands. Konrad and the roller skate horse followed suit.
Before they left the stadium, they could hear the noise of the crowd around the running track. Alexander the Great and Achilles were just finishing the 100 metres. Alexander won, even though he had a bad start and ran 10.1 seconds.
„That is another new world record!“, exclaimed Konrad. Negro Caballo remarked that he, while of course only being a horse, would only need 5 seconds.
„But you have four legs“, said Konrad.
„What a nonsense!“, Ringelhuth explained, „electricity has no legs and still runs faster than even a horse. By the way, if someone runs to stay healthy, I can understand that. But if he runs like an idiot, just to be a tenth of a second faster than someone else, than that is complete and utter tosh. That does not make one healthy, it makes one sick.“

the 2nd sun

what a terrible day to take up blogging again, but I feel I owe you some words.

Willi and I have been living in an open relationship for almost two years now. We had but one crisis a few weeks ago and that was sorted out. Now it is more or less over. Willi found a new guy, which would not be so bad, after all, this is an open relationship. But she has realized that he is so much more important to her and therefore, she spends almost all time with him and almost none with me.

I had almost two wonderful, happy years with Willi. I still love her and I guess I will for some time. I am still convinced that she could have been "the one" for me. Her smile still makes me happy, her touch gives me comfort.

However, I do not think I can be the man in the second row, someone you only meet when the other guy has no time. She told me today that she does not think we will be seeing each other more than once a week. Which is a bit like having a long-distance-relationship while living in the same city...

As a kind of last favor, I asked her to shave my hair today, in solidarity with my host-sister Becky. I love the Tunnells just as much as my biological family an the news that Becky had cancer shocked me deeply. While I lived in Snohomish, we did not have that much to do with each other, given that she was quite a few years older than me and had just started her own family. However, she was always dear to my heart.

Just a few hours after the shave, I had to find out that Becky had already passed away. So, instead of getting a haircut in solidarity to, it is now one in memory of Becky.
My thoughts are with every one of her family and friends, especially with her husband Mike and her kids.

I hope, you will make it through this hard time and find solace in each other. I wish I could be with you.

Love,
Gerrit

PS: if you are wondering about the title of this entry, it is the name of a song by my favourite band, Deine Lakaien, you can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqt9ZVAaKIk
It fits my current mood very well.